the whole 2 weeks(part one)

woah it has been more than 2 weeks since i've posted anything.so i think i shall put an end to it today, right now.initially i wanted to do a write up sort of thing about Miss World.indeed i'ce drafted it out but have not posted it yet.but now the whole miss world fever is gone so yeah.also no mood to post it lahs.in short congrats to Miss Russia.the funny thing about this type of beauty peagent is that you and your country spent alot of time and money on this competition but after that when you win not many people will even remember you after that.like who remembered Zhang Zilin from China to be the winner of Miss World 2007???then after one year you pass the crown to the next miss world and maybe you are forgotten forever.sad man.

anyway i wanna say thanks to all the christmas present and wishes that i got from you guys.really appreciated it.i really love what you guys gave me.ok before Christmas I went to NY for some show so didn't really had time to blog.so it came rather as a shock for some of you that i finally changed my mind to go on for the show even though i rejected it a few times before.ok i've been asked many times what is the reason.so i'm gonna tell you now alrights....its mainly a few reason.the listing is in no particular order.i feel that all reasons play an equal an important role in my consideration.(i'm just typing out as i remember)

1)i miss modelling
2)Sabrina's pestering was getting on my nerves and i guess if i dun go she'll bother me to death
3)i've got some personal things to settle with Jessica
4)i wanna spend some time alone by myself away from home
5)the pay
6)i miss my MOD friends and want to catch up with them
7)more exposure
8)giving those execs some face lahs

the reasons should be around there.if i can't think of it now then maybe it is really not important.hahas
when i go there maybe just maybe it was a wrong decision.for some reason i feel that the atmosphere was just not right.the whole feeling was just different compared to the past.the animosity was definetely there and tensions were high at some time.usually on the last night of our whole trip we would just sit around chat, play those real enjoyable stuff and it is the norm not to sleep till the next morning.however this time it was just different and everyone was someway or another behaving differently form the past.after the show on the last night,after the post show party blah blah blaheveryone started to gather in groups and starting talking those highly sensitive stuffs and at some point of time political in nature.that totally blew me away.i could just feel the tention.in the past we also had different groups of people talking but this time the whole feeling was just so different.every group was just whispering maybe gossiping a little and the whole atmosphere was just tense.there wasn't even a shrill that slince through the stillness of the air.the whole suite was deadly silent except for the occasional cheers of glass mugs.in a way i was rather lost.i don't know if i should feel sad,excited, tense, worried or what.neither do i know what had happen before this trip nor i want to know anything.sometimes in such highly political tense situation it is best not to know what happen and not to be involved at all.which might also be one of the reasons why i came back.but i think the situation has improved so yeah we'll see how but this situation might be a stopping block for me in taking on the next show i guess.yeah but at least i went there settle the jessica issue and i'm glad its over.yeah...

so on the scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being the worst and 10 being the best.putting everything into consideration including fun time,show exposure,new friendship forged,time spent together with old friends and income eared and incentives ii'll rate this whole maybe a 7.5-8.

ok here's the personal word i've promised Jessica:i know you spent a lot of time trying ways and means to find out what i like, my taste, my style,my likes and dislikes,my love and loathe.trying to reach in for the deeper self.i seriously achknowledge your effort, time and money spent to really like get to me.i opened your present last to really test what you said.at the point of time you were rather right in saying that your present would be the best present that i'll ever received in terms of the physical form.at that point of time i really thought it was true and i mjst admit that i really like it alot.everything you gave me was what i really loved and desire.that was all true until christmas when i came back.my sister gave me a present.and inside it all i see was simplicity and practicality.it made me realise the simplicity in life that i've been missing out sometimes especially when we are in a foreign land doing shows and stuffs.but it can't be helped.we are demanded nth but perfection.everything has to be 100% accurate from the beat we move to the angle we stand to the look we give our poise practically everything.we are expected to give a perfect picture.totally flawless.we are so drum into it that we take that into our lives which it shouldn't be the way.we are missing out an important principle that was said by a top designer:imperfection by itself is perfection.the message that i'm receiving from you is that you are trying to give me a perfect present which you must realise cannot happen.there's is no such thing as a perfect present.in facxt she didn;t even passed the present to me personally how bad can that be.indeed imperfection by itself is perfection.though i must say that your effort spent awes me.from the time planned to the settling of the atmosphere to the differnt type of present given at specific time at a specific place.seriously to me it was perfection.but perfection sometimes become imperfect.though i loved and will treasure every moment of the time spent with you from the start till the the end of that "christmas" you said you want to know whether you gave me the best present then i've got to say sorry u did not give me the best present........sry.at least i prefer what my sister gave me......

sry just can't continue anymore.will continue next.hopefully it w0uld be soon.......