ok.its gonna get random.i'm really not in the zone man.feeling a little down and i dun know why.sighs....maybe its because i dun know when is the next time i'm gonna go out again.(i believe its gonna be a long time before i going out again man)anyway after going out to so many places so many times for the past week i still dun really have that feel man and have yet to fully wanted to accomplish wat i wanna do.what should i do?!?!hais.
for the benefit of those who asked my y i wanna and like to go out so much, the main reason y i wanna go out is not to spend money(since i dun have that much to start with),not to run away from home, not even juz to go out just for fun.actually all i want is juz to talk to somebody(erm..its free, simple, easy and everyone can do it unless u can't talk then that's a different story)and to spend time with my friends since i've not much time left.isn't that the reason y i gave up all the shows and appearances this year??but somehow things are not as smooth sailing as i hope it would be and things are just not happening.i don't know whether it will happen but i'll be positive about it yeah? :)that's about the only thing i can do rites??so to soften the mood around here i shall give u an analogy which i've juz thought off just in case some of u are wondering what in the world i'm talking about.i'll keep it simple.ok here is the situation.i've got a lot of things in my pockets.they are filled to the max sometimes they even overflow and fall out.sometimes i forget all about it and sometimes i just carry them in the palms of my hand.i can't say that they are all high end "feel good"products that gets everyone high.but there are some of them.some are juz neutral but there are hardly any negativity in any of them.but i can definitely confirm something that is they are all rather close to my inner self that i dun mind sharing as long as......lol.anyway back to the analogy,i'm walking down a street called life and i'm actively searching for someone to whom i can share these with.i've been creating opportunities for them to be shared,always i get so close sometimes as close as on the verge of going to share it then just when i thought it is picture perfect,there is always an unexpected turn of events that just change the whole event and i just got to take them in my stride,retreat back and continue to look for new opportunities.i don't mind to try to share it again with the people that i've tried before but did not succeed.i always believe in letting bygones be bygones and not dwell on the unpleasant past and the failures of the past.so yeah tt's abt it.the bottom line is i just need to find someone whom i can share my thoughts accompanyed by the perfect atmosphere to pour everything out in case u are wondering, they are not negative things at all.haha.the prob is always the atmosphere juz make it so not possible for me to do anything.anyway if any of u have heard anything?(esp the MODs if u know wat the MOD stands for then probably u guys are the ones i'm refering to.haha), u have heard nothing abt it lahs cause i've not told anyone anything about it.haha.furthermore u guys are in Madrid now.have fun and put on the show as if its gonna be your last.haha.i juz wonder who shall hear it 1st........searching, searching and still searching.
sry tt this is rather boring.i really juz don't have that feel now man.and i said its gonna be random.haha.next post will be on my new assignment.haha
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